Friday, July 22, 2016

Another modest proposal ...

Warning - for anyone who does not realise this from the title, this post contains irony.

Arguments about Europe have now brought down three consecutive Conservative Prime ministers.

First they brought down the greatest PM of the past fifty years, the women who came to power when Britain was the sick man of Europe and gave us back pride in our country.

Then they brought down the PM who still holds the record that he was re-elected with the largest vote ever cast for any British political party in a general election.

Last month they brought down the man who restored the Conservative brand, lead the country out of recession, made more gains than any Conservative leader in the party's history in the 2010 election and was the only PM for decades to increase both his share of the votes and seats in the 2015 election.

We need to put a stop to this

So as soon as Brexit is completed and we are no longer in the position where a certain amount of discussion of Europe is unavoidable, the constitution of the Conservative party should be amended.

All those wishing to stand as Conservative candidates in General Elections from 2020 onwards should be required to sign in their own blood a solemn oath that they will not rebel against the Conservative leader on the subject of Europe.

All associations should be required to appoint the physically largest and strongest association officer who is not himself or herself prone to banging on about Europe as the"European discussion suppression officer." This officer will have the responsibility for escorting anyone who mentions the European Union at a Conservative meeting out of the room, and sit them down in front of a computer or TV screen playing a continuous repeating loop of election declarations from the 1997 General election showing Labour or Lib/Dem gains at the expense of the Conservatives. The "European discussion suppression officer" will make them watch this until they agree to lie down in a darkened room until the wish to talk about the EU dies away.

We have to be cruel to be kind ...


Jim said...

simple, just add this to the bottom of the application to stand as a Tory in an election:

Please sign below to state your agreement to accept the conservative party whip, and your solemn promise not to mention the huge, pink elephant in the room to the current party leader.


Chris Whiteside said...

Right that's the Conservative party sorted out, now we have to try to find a way to limit the bloodletting within the Labour party.

Unfortunately the United Nations has given them up as a lost cause ...

Jim said...

As the old joke goes,

the impossible I can do right away, the down right unthinkable takes 5-7 days.